Eliciting responses from the audience is a necessary action for almost any speech except for maybe the classic keynote type speech. Some audience members have deep bellowing voices that easily carry across the room, while others barely get above a whisper. Most people tend to fall somewhere in the middle.

In an effort to hear what a person is saying, most speakers will move very close to the person, ask them to speak up, and then repeat what they said to the rest of the audience. Three problems with this are…

1. By moving close to just one person, you are ignoring the rest of the room and the tendency for others to start small chatter will increase..thus less people will be paying attention.
2. Asking someone to speak up is fine, expect it has the same negative emotional anchor to it as using “shhh” to get a room to be quiet. It’s better to have them want to speak up, or quiet down, instead of you making them do so.
3. Repeating what someone says to the rest of the room doesn’t do any good to get that person, or others, to speak louder next time, because you just trained that person, and the rest of the room, that you’ll do the hard work for them.

There’s a better way to do this and I call it Playing Opposites.

If someone in the right front of your room raises their hand and you call on them, instead of moving towards the person, move to the exact opposite side of the room as they start to talk. The person will naturally talk louder because you, as the authority in the room who just called on them, moved away and they want you to hear them. Since they are talking louder, you won’t have to repeat what they said to the rest of the group. Lastly, now you are engaging the whole room because you are on the opposite side of the audience.

Try it out next time you are eliciting a series of responses from a group. If done right, it’s a little like you are dancing with the group…but they don’t know it .
 

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Over the past several months, three people I knew unexpectedly passed away, of which I’ve talked about previously on my blog. All three were relatively the same age as me which made death seem so much more real, because if it could unexpectedly happen to them, why not to me? Which got me thinking about what things, in my life right now, I’d feel were incomplete If I passed away tomorrow?

And so, for our communication starter this month, the question is, what three things in your life right now, would you feel were incomplete If you passed away tomorrow? Let’s take one minute to gather our thoughts and afterwards we’ll begin to my right.

<Out Frame>

I used the above story and question during a monthly meeting of entrepreneurs I facilitate. We start off each meeting with a communication starter to get everyone warmed up and thinking on a deeper level. Imagine if I had just posed the question, without sharing my story that led up to the question. The group would have responded, but probably not to the same depth as they did after I told my story. The story makes the question purposeful and will lead to more meaningful answers.

Next time you’re leading a group, instead of just asking an opening question to get the group talking, add a story as to why you are asking the question. Your story will make the question seem purposeful and the result will be a deeper level of sharing and a smoother run meeting.
 

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Nothing can tank, or pick up, the flow of a speech more than audience participation. When picked well, one would almost think you planted the person in the audience. But when picked badly, it leaves you, and the audience, in an awkward state.

In my Dance Floor Theory Leadership Training, I know 20 minutes into the program I need two volunteers to role play a really funny dance floor situation. To set myself, and the audience, up for success, I start identifying people, as soon as they walk in the room, who might make great volunteers. In this particular situation, I’m looking for someone who is naturally out going, liked by most the room already, and loves to laugh. When they entered the room, did they make a noise? Were they smiling or saying hi to people? Did they dance to the music playing? These are all signs that tell me who would make a great volunteer or not.

In another part of my talk, I need a male volunteer who is willing to be a little emotionally vulnerable on stage, but also ‘manly’ enough to warrant respect. Typically this ends up being a really nice guy who is tall and muscular. 

In any situation, the key is to start selecting your volunteers from the moment they walk in the room. Don’t leave it up to chance that you might just pick the right person at the right time.

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I think if a speaker spends too much time on the road without a strong anchor back home to either a group of friends or family, they start to develop almost cartoon like characteristics. I suspect it has to do with not having anyone around them to put them in their place from time to time.

“Why do you do that hand gesture every 3 seconds?”
“You really go on stage with your hair looking like that?”
“I have no clue what your talk is about.”
“I can’t believe you actually get people to do that activity.”

Most speakers get 1000x more credit than they deserve just because they are on stage and the audience is filled with respectable humans who don’t want to to be rude. So speech after speech, a speaker thinks they are doing great and thus ramp up their greatness even more. Without any critical feedback, the cartoon characteristics start to develop. I’ve seen it too many times from too many speakers. Access to critical feedback is the key to avoid this syndrome.

I’ve long been jealous of the feeling that musicians can give to their fans through their songs. Sometimes all it takes is for the opening note of the song and instantly their fans are taken to another world and feel like they are on cloud 9. Just listen to the passion and energy in the song below, not just from the musician, but also from within yourself. It’s amazing how quickly music can change our mood. I remember reading some “brain based research” on how music bypasses the pre-frontal and goes directly to the amygdala, thus explaining how quickly it impacts our mood.

As a speaker, I’m jealous. I spend a full 60 minutes trying to get students to have the same emotional reaction that a song can do in 10 seconds. And, I suspect if a student listened to my same talk 10 times in the same day, the emotional reaction would quickly diminish each time, but if the same student played their favorite song 10 times in a row, they’d have the same emotional reaction each time, just as strong. It’s a reason I use music so much throughout my talk, and probably why I want to someday be a singer and write songs of my own. Someday…

Over the past seven years, I’ve spoken at a lot of schools with our Dance Floor Theory Student Leadership Training program. I’ve always considered myself more of a theory/practice type of speaker than motivational/inspirational. It’s not that I don’t value the motivational/inspirational type talks, it’s just that every time I tried to go down that road, it didn’t feel natural to me. So I stuck with being the “smart” speaker.

Yesterday, however, at the closing keynote for the #SAtechBOS conference, I decided to try on a new hat and see what it would be like to mix more motivation/inspiration into a “smart” talk. The talk was brand new and one I’d never done before which made me extra nervous. It was in front of a lot of people I truly respect and was streaming live on the internet to anyone who wanted to watch. I also didn’t finish the slides until 2am the morning of the talk because I kept wanting to shift things around. Needless to say, I was nervous.

In the end, the talk came together in a way that totally blew me away and based on the comments that filled up the Twitter Backchannel (see below), I walked away from the conference totally humbled by the impact the talk had on the group. I’ll remember this talk for a long time to come.

P.S. The video of the talk should soon be posted online at which time I’ll also share the slides.

#satechBOS Officially crying in this keynote @tomkrieglstein . Going home tonight to thank both my mentor and my mentee for inspiring me.

August 3, 2012 12:55 pm via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@ColleenCentral

Colleen Bunn

If you’re not inspired or reenergized after listening to @tomkrieglstein, check your pulse. #satechBOS

August 3, 2012 12:56 pm via Tweetbot for iOSReplyRetweetFavorite

@timstjohn

Tim St. John

Everyone has some brain leakin’ out of their ears…@tomkrieglstein is dropping epic knowledge / asking big questions. #satechBOS

August 3, 2012 12:33 pm via Tweetbot for iOSReplyRetweetFavorite

@EricStoller

Eric Stoller

@tomkrieglstein is giving one of the best presentations I have ever heard! #satechbos #thanks4theInspiration

August 3, 2012 12:52 pm via Twitter for iPadReplyRetweetFavorite

@PMaxQuinn

Max Quinn

@tomkrieglstein Best part of the whole day! #satechbos #sachat

August 3, 2012 1:00 pm via Twitter for iPhoneReplyRetweetFavorite

@briannemcd

Brianne McDonough

How many people's eyes just got watery in the room or on the live stream? Mine did! Thanks for inspiring us, @tomkrieglstein #satechbos

August 3, 2012 1:03 pm via Twitter for iPadReplyRetweetFavorite

@jdcrash

Jimmy

I'm not big on keynotes, but @tomkrieglstein gave a good, thought-provoking, and well-presented talk. #satechBOS

August 3, 2012 1:05 pm via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@istudentaffairs

StudentAffairs.com

@tomkrieglstein the best keynote I have ever had the privilege of hearing! Thank you. #SAtechBOS

August 3, 2012 1:05 pm via TweetCaster for iOSReplyRetweetFavorite

@RichFox13

Richard Fox

That is what an authentic, genuine, engaging, inspiring speaker is like! --> @tomkrieglstein #satechbos

August 3, 2012 1:05 pm via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@JoeSabado

Joe Sabado

@tomkrieglstein That was an amazing keynote. Thanks so much for inspiring all of us. #satechBOS

August 3, 2012 1:19 pm via Twitter for AndroidReplyRetweetFavorite

@ChrisCFaulkner

Chris Faulkner

It was an honor to meet @tomkrieglstein, and another to hear him speak! #authentic #awesome #satechBOS

August 3, 2012 1:29 pm via EchofonReplyRetweetFavorite

@walker_desiree

Desiree Walker

Watched @tomkrieglstein bring down the house as #saTechBOS's final speaker. He gave me inspiration for a new blog post.

August 3, 2012 1:36 pm via Twitter for MacReplyRetweetFavorite

@sportsgirlkat

Kat Hasenauer

.@TomKrieglstein Officially the most moving and empowering speaker I have ever heard! #satechbos http://t.co/7IGODjCb

August 3, 2012 1:38 pm via InstagramReplyRetweetFavorite

@Thomas_A_Kelley

Thomas A. Kelley

@AndrewGresenz Loved @TomKrieglstein talk. 1st time I realized all my ed experiences - K-12, college - led me here.

August 3, 2012 5:43 pm via webReplyRetweetFavorite

@IlySaw

Ilyana Sawka

I’ve been doing Dance Floor Theory Leadership Trainings since 2004, which is a long time and a lot of students. Any good speaker knows the feeling of getting off stage to a whirlwind of buzzing students excited to talk. Many students energetically say they will follow up later, but sadly most don’t. Every so often, however, an email comes in, like the one above, that warms my soul. I spoke to her group 4 years ago and to know what I said, and how she received it, still sticks with her today. That’s a special moment for me. It’s an honor for her to let me be a part of her journey.

I was recently doing a Dance Floor Theory training, and in the very back of the room were two students that just wouldn’t stop talking. As a speaker, I’d prefer a txter to a talker because at least they don’t disrupt the rest of the room.

If you find yourself in front with a chatter box in the crowd, here are three tips to turn them into black boxes without having to do the dreaded “shhhh” or “please stop talking” plea:

1) The Silent Stare – From the front of the room, abruptly stop your talk and stare, in silence, directly at the offenders. Then, if they keep talking, slowly lower your shoulders as a sign of disappointment. At this point they almost always stop talking because either they see you, or the rest of the room makes it very clear that they need to stop talking.

2) Shift The Front – Chatter boxes tend to sit in the back of the room so they can talk and not be seen. It’s not that the people in the front of the room are any less talkative, it’s just that the people in the front are more scared to chat with a neighbor at the wrong times because you are only a few steps away from them. Your physical location sends a powerful message. If you physically move your body to be within a arms length of the chatter boxes, it’s usually physically intimidating enough for them to go silent. I like this approach over The Silent Stare because it’s more subtle and the rest of the room is unaware you are doing it, which is a great thing because they’ll keep their attention on you.

3) The Vulcan Death Grip - Let’s say you’ve shifted the front of the room and now are only a few arms lengths away from the talkers and they are still talking. The next step is to physically place your hand (without making any eye contact) on the person’s shoulder. The key is to not stop talking or make eye contact with the talker while you place your hand on their shoulder. Without eye contact or an interruption in talking, the rest of the room will once again not know what is going on, which is the best you can hope for. (hat tip to @ryanferguson83 for the title of this one)

I’ve never had anyone willfully continue to talk after I’ve applied these three tactics on them. One thing to ask yourself during your program is why they are talking in the first place. it’s very possible that you are not doing a good job delivering your content or it’s not very engaging content. In either case, I’d suggest going back and reviewing my Wondering Eyes tip/trick.

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It was a long shot, but TED was hosting open casting calls this year and I figured with my background in speaking and seven years of validated content, I have a thing or two to say about education…specifically when it comes to outside the classroom engagement, which is sorely missed in the education reform talks. Guess I’ll have to wait for them to personally invite me to speak .

Here’s more info on the speech she is talking about.