One of the most highlighted, and talked about, stories in the Steve Jobs biography is about his audacious rule breaking ways such as not putting a license plate on his car, or parking in handicap spaces. Many reporters concluded that Jobs didn’t think the rules applied to him.

Like many, when I first heard about Jobs’ rule breaking ways, it put a sour taste in my mouth, but then I started to take a deeper look at my own life and relationship with rules. The deeper I looked, the more I realized that I treated many rules and guidelines as something other people needed to follow to keep order in the world, but not me. In fact many times, rules are just another obstacle, or challenge, I believe I have to overcome.

And apparently the apple, no pun intended, doesn’t fall far from tree. Last month, I went home to Chicago to visit my parents for a few days. On my last day, I was late in leaving their house to catch my return flight. My mom asked if I wanted to make a quick stop at a store to pick up a few things to bring with me. I said no, as I worried about making my flight. But once we got in the car and on the road, she insisted we had time, so I said ok. At the store, my mom pulled her car right up to the fire lane next to the front door, and parked. I waited in the car staring at the “do not park in the fire lane” sign as she ran into the store. This wasn’t the first time I waited in our family car in a fire lane. That’s when it hit me, my parents have been rule benders their whole life. I’m a rule bender. I bet my kids will end up being rule benders, despite my wife’s extreme aversion to rule breaking.

My current hypothesis is that every innovator has some rule bending DNA in them. I think that’s the nature of innovation…a new way of doing something for a better outcome. Rules, guidelines, and status quo are meant to keep order and keep things the way they are. Innovators get us to see that some of our rules and guidelines are silly and need to change.

The catch is that the same rule bending DNA that gets someone like Steve Jobs to invent the ipod or iphone, will also make him not see the audacity of driving without a license plate, or my mom for parking in the fire line, or me for trying to use a coupon after it has expired or opening an emergency exit door even though it says “do not open.”

The line between innovating rule bending and obnoxious rule breaking is thin…but one that every innovator walks.

So onward my little rule benders, go and change the world…one rule at a time.

p.s. But make sure you don’t bend on your values and morals .

Growing up, I didn’t get along with everyone in my school. But when we played a rival school, I’d happily sit next to any classmate in the stands and proudly where my school colors.

I certainly didn’t get along with everyone in Chicago, but when the Chicago Bears (IL) played the Green Bay Packers (WI), I’d happily sit next to anyone from Chicago at a bar and celebrate the game.

I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t get along with everyone in the U.S., but every four years during the Olympics, the only thing that matters is seeing the U.S. get gold, and if you’re wearing a USA jersey, then we might as well be best of friends.

Differences are what we focus on when we forget the bigger picture. When we’re forced to think about a situation beyond ourselves, we instead focus on the similarities that unite us.

The world is filled with differences, and thus, the world is filled with conflict. But if tomorrow an alien spaceship hovered over Earth (most likely NYC becuase that’s the case with every Hollywood film), we’d all be forced to look past ourselves, over cities, our countries, and even our religions and realize that compared to the alien spaceship, we’re all basically the same type of humans.

The larger we allow our perspective to grow, the more forgiving we all might be of our insignificant differences.

Relationships are built on the number of emotionally charged shared experiences between individuals. 9/11 was a huge emotionally charged shared experience for America. The experience started on 9/11/01 and lasted for weeks and months afterwards. It seemed like all of America opted to put down their differences and pause to love their neighbor. It was unreal and amazing, but I missed it all.

I was studying at the Goethe Institute in Berlin, Germany during the Fall of 2001. Berlin is six hours ahead of New York City. When the first plane hit the North Tower at 8:45 a.m. EST, it was 2:45 p.m. in Berlin. I just got home from school and sat down to watch the BBC. I didn’t have a computer then, so the BBC was my only source of information. A few moments later, my parents in Chicago called. We cried on the phone together. Then I hung up and I sat alone in my apartment. My girlfriend, now my wife, called and we talked. We cried. Then I hung up and watched the BBC for the next 12 hours. I didn’t sleep because I couldn’t sleep. My parents called a few more times and we talked and cried. Then I was alone again. I wanted to so desperately talk to someone, a fellow American face-to-face. But I sat in my apartment and watched BBC. Too shocked to move.

The next day I went to class and everyone’s face was ingrained with hours of crying from the night before. We broke our “German Only” rule to vent with one another even though most of the class weren’t native English speakers. It helped. It made me feel like I was home. We cried some more. It was sad. The next day, one of the other Americans in the class decided to end her trip early and fly back home to Texas to be with her family. I stayed.

The next couple weeks I read, heard, and watched more and more stories of massive vigils and gatherings happening around the U.S. It was as if America was one big family and though we had our differences, it didn’t matter. Every house flew an American flag. The pictures were amazing. The videos were amazing. The stories were amazing. I spent hours at the internet cafe absorbing as much as I could.

I stayed in Berlin through the New Year for my class. By the time I flew back to Chicago, the emotionally charged shared experience of 9/11 was mostly faded. People were getting back to their routine. There were no more group vigils and the number of flying American flags went down.

My wife does her best to try and explain what it was like the days, weeks and months after 9/11, but explaining it is secondary to actually being there. It’s as if I went to the bathroom during the critical part of a movie and have to keep asking people what happened. But unlike a movie, I can’t rewind 9/11. I forever have to experience it through the lens of other people.

I have my story, but it’s not the same emotionally charged shared story as the rest of the country, so I still cling to every new story I hear as if somehow it’ll help me piece together what it was really like to be here, in America, with fellow Americans.

ACbert got sick at a wedding last week in Chicago. The sickness is still lingering and, a week later, she’s still not well enough to go outside for very long. Normally it’s not a big deal as weekends come and go. But this weekend is Memorial Day and the weather has been simply beautiful and our friends coordinated a picnic at Governor’s Island today. I was looking forward to hanging with them but Annie woke up this morning still not healthy enough to go out.

I wanted to go to the picnic, but I also know marriage/relationships comes with a set of responsibilities like taking care of your partner when they are sick. I was in a funk for a little bit about not going, but quickly got over it and focused my energy on being present with ACbert. We made veggie wraps, a vegan cake, and watched a movie. ACbert also has an amazing ability to make the best of bad situations. The day ended happy because we chose to make it happy.

I haven’t seen my parents, who live in Chicago, in over six months. The national ACUI conference was held in Chicago this week so I extended my trip through the weekend to spend some time with them. It makes me happy to spend time with them as I know they are getting older and time is something I can’t ask for more of.

Tonight I went to dinner with my parents and two brothers. After we submitted our orders, my younger brother pulled out his laptop, placed it on the table, and scanned Facebook. I turned to him and told him that that’s just not something you should do in a restaurant, especially when you’re eating with other people. He’s an adult though, so he’s going to do what he wants to do and surfed for a little longer before putting it away. My mom got a call from work that she picked up and answered. She then got a call from my oldest brother in CA and put him on speaker phone for us to talk to. We all said she shouldn’t do that as there are other tables around us and that’s just not what you should do in a restaurant. My other brother at the table got a call from an automated credit card system. He picked up and listened. My dad got a call from someone that was a mistake. My younger brother pulled out his phone to do some surfing. While all this was going on, we did manage to eat our meal and have a nice conversation. But talk about distractions.

I’m pretty addicted to technology and so I’m uber conscious of being distracted by it when engaging with other people in real life. It’s not enough to say “kids now-a-days” as my older bother and parents both felt the need to pick up their phones at dinner too.

My phone is always an arms length from me. Tonight I consciously had it in my pocket so I didn’t check it until I walked to the bathroom and when we left the restaurant, but that’s a conscious choice I have to do as the urge to check it, pick it up, or surf it is always there.

NYC winters are cold, but not the bitter cold that was always expected in Chicago. I actually walk to work every day here in NY, somedays in Chicago that just wasn’t possible.

I accompanied Annie to her ingrual NYC softball game today. Partly to support her, and partly to meet the team. I also got to play, and we won by a lot. 

In Chicago we built up an entire friend base through playing sports, and figured the same should work in NY, so we joined a bunch of teams. 

Long term friends don't happen overnight though. Friendship quality is proportional to the number of shared positive emotional experiences. Knowing this, all the people we've met so far are great and we are super excited to hang with them, but are realistic about instantly becoming bestfriends. It just takes time. My oldest brother (Robin) once told me he thinks it takes about three years to establish roots in a new place. 

Spending the weekend home in Chicago was nice, especially since my mom has upgraded me to special son status. Special son status means when I come and visit, it's a special treat for her since we don't get to see each other very often. It also means I'm exempt from doing any extra work while home. I didn't really understand what this meant until we were all sitting in our living room and my mom asked my brother to open the windows. All is fine with that request until I point out that my brother was sitting on the opposite side of the room and the windows were right behind me. My brother and I had a good laugh as he mumbled, "what did I tell you, special status."

Today my brother told me about a friend of ours who was brutality beaten in an ally by four unknown men. They smashed his face and legs and left him in a pool of blood only to be found later and brought to the hospital where he barley recovered. He won't be able to work for four-six months and won't be able to go with his band on their upcoming European tour. Such destruction for no apparent reason except to steal his iPhone and $50 out of his wallet. 

The four men are still at large and probably won't be caught. Every time I think about him being attacked like that, it sends an uncomfortable feeling throughout my body to think that humans can do that to one another.